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Nov 30, Related Articles: Why Sexist Men Think Women Have All the Power in Relationships · Here's How Your Kid Can Give Santa a Call Before. Mar 7, Here are 14 signs a relationship is probably doomed, inspired by a recent Ask It's nice to have a go-to person to share meals with and be lazy with when you . have three moves and only three moves" couple that no one wants to be. Bampa: If you read the article I'm posting below its impossible for the. Jul 4, YOU CAN'T FAKE IT “Your relationship isn't going to get better if you “And the more the couple is paying attention to one another, the better.
It's possible I could be jaded, but I'm certainly now a woman who is seeking much more than approval from a love interest. Without going too deep into family matters, I didn't grow up seeing healthy, functional relationships. I saw people who were only together because they had children and shared assets. The women in my family are very strong-willed — some may say "difficult.
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They didn't playfully flirt with their husbands like Claire Huxtable. They were the antithesis of sitcom wives. But it's not like they were married to Ward Cleavers or Cliff Huxtables either. Though I empathized and understood why they are the way they are, I didn't want to become that.
I figured out early on that it's impossible to change a man or anyone reallybut I thought that if I could at least adjust my character to be more easygoing, less aggressive, less argumentative, hell, even less human, I'd have a chance of keeping someone around long enough to call it something real. Problems end relationships, so I basically took myself out of the problem equation and set myself to default "perfect.
I'm fully aware of this mash-up of both manipulation and submission. Though I wasn't intentionally trying to control the guys I date, I was purposefully putting aside real parts of me in order to keep the relationship going — parts like self-respect, common sense, contrasting opinions. My first real deal relationship lasted a few years.
I did my very best to not only appear to be but actually become the perfect girlfriend. I cooked for him, bought him gifts, surprised him with special date nights, gave him money whenever he was short on cash, played copyeditor for anything he printed.
In a nutshell, I made him my priority. I'm not ashamed of being so generous, because I loved him deeply. I would do it again and probably even more if I found myself in a healthy, loving relationship.
The issue wasn't that I gave so much of myself; it's that I gave so much of myself to a person who gave nothing back. Instead of realizing that this guy simply wasn't on the same page as I was, I took his lack of reciprocation as a signal that I should do more. I overcompensated to make up for the unbalance.
When we started having issues see: His family loved me and urged me to stay with him, empowering this false sense of security. I was faithful to a guy who stopped giving me his loyalty. Still, he'd always let me know how great of a girlfriend I was and how he's lucky to have me. What I wasn't hearing was that me being "great" wasn't enough to keep him faithful and that, yeah, he was lucky because he could still have me no matter what he did.
After that relationship, I entered the dating scene — a new territory for me after years of focusing on one person. To hang out with multiple guys and not have to commit to just one, for fun?
I'm Done Trying to Be the "Perfect Girlfriend"
Who knew this life existed?! While my heart was not up for claim, I found myself still trying to play perfect. I wanted to be his type.
Even if I wasn't interested in pursuing a real relationship with the guy, I wanted to be sure to impress him. It wasn't like I was putting on an act or anything; I just made sure to be on my best behavior. Looking back, it's almost as if I treated each love affair as a job, always aiming to leave things on good terms, hesitant to burn any bridges. I can't tell you how many times a man has turned me off yet I still remained nice, soft, and even worse, available.
Maybe he might be the right guy after all.
Thankfully, some bad habits have expiration dates. One particular relationship was the straw that broke the proverbial perfect girlfriend's back. Instead of worrying about how this guy viewed me or whether I was winning over his heart, I observed our natural chemistry. I pondered over what I liked.
Especially if it's tiny things they mean to be nice but just end up annoying you anyway.10 Things ALL Men Do When They Are In Love
Like they offer to wash the dishes, but do it all wrong, and you get mad instead of laughing off the mistake. There's something deeper happening here that has nothing to do with forks and knives, and you should take a moment to evaluate what's really bothering you.
Every argument feels like it could end in a breakup. If you can't have a calm or even heated! Again, there's something deeper happening here if every single disagreement feels like it could be The Big One.
Parts of their personality feel like a compromise. It's normal to compromise in a relationship - no two people are exactly alike, and even if there were someone exactly like you out there, would you even want to date them?
What's not so normal is to feel like there are parts of their personality you just have to ignore in order to keep dating them. That's not fair to either of you.
You feel like you're constantly sacrificing your feelings to please them. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside to appease someone else, and sometimes that sucks. If you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, that's not a good sign. Not only is that just enabling them, but it's exhausting for you.
You catch yourself window-shopping. So sure, you'd never actually meet up with that person who sometimes texts you at night or flirts with you on your commute, but the idea of it is thrilling. It's like a job search - once you start looking around at other listings, just to see what's out there, you're already unhappy in your current position and probably just need to move on.
Or you catch yourself reminiscing on things you loved about ex-partners. Not that you want to get back with the guy from college who never washed his sheets a single time during your relationship, but man, now you can't stop thinking about how much you loved the way he always made coffee for you first thing in the morning.
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This isn't a sign you should revive old flings, but it is a sign that your current relationship is missing things that are really important to you. More often than not, a Saturday night out with friends sounds way better than a Saturday night date. By no means should you spend every waking moment with a partner - your friends will hate you for this, and they very well should. But you should obviously want to spend some alone time with whoever you're dating!
And if that's not the case, why are you with them at all? You log more hours on the couch watching TV than you do talking or doing real activities together. It's delightful to have a slug buddy who will be totally disgusting with you and spend 12 hours on a cold, lazy Sunday marathoning Riverdale or something. That shouldn't be the primary activity for your relationship though. It dawns on you that things you thought were early relationship flukes are actually just the way your partner is.