22 Best Quotes about Give and Take - EnkiQuotes
The same is true for relationships where a balance of give and take is a An exact balance is not always required as trust acts to make this a 'sloppy' system. Relationship Rules, Memphis, Tennessee. 15M likes. Love in pictures and videos . We say that marriage is a give and give relationship at its core, which sets it Marriage does not operate upon the give-and-take principle of reciprocity. Pin on Pinterest Tweet about this on Twitter Share on Facebook Email this to someone.
All relationships, it seems, have this element of striving for balance. In fact, we all recognize marriage is unique, but most have not considered this uniqueness; what makes it unique? And what is it about marriage that makes it highly desirable?
Give and Take
We, The Marriage Foundation, say that marriage is a give and give relationship at its core, which sets it apart, and above, from all other relationships.
Other relationships are shallow compared to marriage. This does not mean that all relationships are shallow, of course. When you live your marriage correctly, the benefits are indescribable. But the key is in how you live your marriage. If you treat marriage like any other relationship, you will never get the great marital benefits that everyone assumes materializes all by themselves. If you behave in a give-and-take mode, expecting good behaviors to get your spouse reciprocating, you will end up disappointed.
Marriage does not operate upon the give-and-take principle of reciprocity. Marriage requires you to operate with a higher intention instead of just trying to get as much from your spouse as possible. Many greatly misunderstood and misconceived when spouses repeated the same vows, they had made a deal. No, they did not make a deal. They never made vows contingent on each other making the same vows. The greater the trust, the more negative the balance can become before concern about repayment arises.
If I trust you then I will give a lot before I seek to take in return, confident that you will repay me at some time in the future. In each relationship there is a bucket system of 'social capital' where we make deposits and withdrawals from the bucket. The exact currency is difficult to define but could perhaps be approximated with the formula emotion x time. If you spend two hours helping someone, and they spend an hour helping you, then, if the emotional exchange is equal, they still owe you an hour.
Emotional complexity The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable.
Love is a Choice not a Feeling. – The Creative Cafe
If you help me for an hour and I am very grateful, then I may feel a need to help you for three hours doing something in return. Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the fact that I helped you. Other emotions complicate the situation. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.
Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing.
And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done. In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect. If you hurt me in any way, then you owe me. If you help me then I owe you.
Love and hate are enduring emotions that have a big effect on give and take.How to change relationship status on Facebook mobile app
If I love you then I will give much. Even if you do little in return, I will feel good for having helped you and hence effectively reward myself with good feelings rather than expect things from you. The extreme form of this is unconditional love which, as the name suggests, expects nothing in return.
Love can also complicate the bucket when it leads to lower expected reciprocity. My expressions of love for you may make you feel that I expect little.
This can cause resentment and anger that results in recriminations that erode the love, effectively 'killing the golden goose'. Hate is often based in the belief that the other person owes a great deal, which justifies attacks that take much from them.
When others refuse to repay what we believe they owe us then our emotions become negative and hence motivate harmful action. Just as unconditional love does not consider what is given, blind hate is not concerned with what is taken. Both can upset the bucket and confuse the social capital account, though each is likely to beget itself. Love very largely creates love and hate mostly creates hate. Love results in much reciprocal giving while hate leads to battles of blow-by-blow taking.
The wider effect While give and take is important in individual relationships, its broader power is in the creation of society.
As relationships deepen and trust increases, we may take from one person and give to another. For example a person in a happy relationship will be kind to others, effectively sharing the social capital gained from their relationship partner. This is helped by the fact that emotional exchange is often unconscious.
When I help you, I may not realize the value I provide and so do not expect much in return.
This gives you the scope to help others without emptying the bucket. The overspill thus created keeps society afloat in a sea of social capital. Social capital can be gained indirectly when others see you helping people and doing good things. When they appreciate your actions in conforming with social norms, their approval effectively acts as putting a few social credits into your bucket. Politicians know that they can make huge gains from widespread public approval, so they seek to champion popular causes and otherwise appear 'good'.