A letter to … my estranged son – please come back to me | Life and style | The Guardian
Being estranged from your adult son or daughter can be extremely painful. When you are ready, I hope you would be willing to meet with me to talk about it. . For example, if your grandchildren are limited to an hour of TV a day, let their parents know that . She tries to stay away from everyone and wants her own space. For whatever reason, some grandparents become estranged from their adult After a particularly tense discussion with Karen, Sarah's son e-mailed her to If you're aggressive or insistent, they may resist meeting with you. Don't say, “I'm sorry you got angry with me for taking Devon to that PG movie, but. My estranged son's life, the people he chooses to be with, and the . Allow me to apologize on behalf of all us adult children who rejected our parents. . I don't want to meet my grandson so that she can can have anything else to hurt me with . . How pitiful they don't allow you to know your grandchild.
How Parents Can Start to Reconcile with Estranged Kids
A key reason for this is the highly individualistic nature of family relations in the U. While there are many cultural, economic, and institutional forces that organize family life, the primary determinant for whether family members remain close in the U. Something similar has been happening with marriage. More than any other country, couples in the U.
Staying in an unromantic or unfulfilling marriage is not only considered a waste of time, with or without children, but an act of existential cowardice.
The State of Marriage and the Family in America TodayAmericans marry, divorce, remarry, and re-partner far more than individuals in any other industrialized country.
In the same way that couples decide to stay or leave romantic relationships based on whether the relationship is fulfilling, many adult children are now deciding whether to stay connected to their parents based largely on their evaluation of how rewarding their relationship was with them in the past or remains in the present.
- My estranged father wants to get in touch, but I don’t want to see him
- A letter to … my estranged son – please come back to me
And since these are the criteria by which parents are judged today, parents are wise to pay attention to them if they seek a better relationship with their adult children. That is, a parent can reasonably believe that she or he did a good job as a parent—and their child may reasonably wish they had done something quite different. Ask them what they need from you to get things back on track.
While it would be wonderful if they would take responsibility for their contribution to the problem, they may not be ready yet. It may be frustrating, but remember to keep the benefits of reconciliation foremost in your mind.
Reconciling with your grandchild’s parents
We all make mistakes. We all forget to be our best selves out of fear, hurt, or pride. It was awkward at first, but, eventually, she made it through important conversations with her son and daughter-in-law, leading to a healthier relationship all around. Life is too short not to enjoy the love and companionship of our children and grandchildren, even if it means taking the leap of faith required to attempt a reconciliation.
On this Grandparents Day, we encourage you to give it a try. Join Our Newsletter Our most popular articles, timely advice, and the trends that affect you—delivered to your inbox. That fits with my own experience.
And I myself have gone through lengthy periods when I was not on speaking terms with one relation or another. I'd bet you also know several people who are or have been estranged from their families.
It's not fun, but it happens a lot. You probably have a good reason. Most of the estranged people I know stay away from their families or individual family members to save themselves from dysfunctional situations or behavior. In one Australian study, adults who reported being estranged from their parents usually cited physical or emotional abuse, being betrayed or sabotaged by a parent, or very poor parenting in which they were endlessly criticized or shamed by their parents.
If you're estranged from your family, it probably isn't something you did lightly. Even a seemingly stupid reason may really be a good one. We've all heard about family members who stop speaking to each other over strikingly minor matters. In my own family, my father's two sisters wound up in a lifelong feud over a painting one of them had painted.