Here's Why Men Love It When Other Guys Hit On Their Wife
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He will connect across the room with someone and appear to engage with her, acting as if I can't see what is happening. I spend the evening watching, wondering whether to make a fuss or wait to confirm my suspicions before raising the issue. I have to find coping strategies to use in situations where this is most likely to crop up and, although it doesn't seem to happen all the time, I can rarely relax when we're out.
His behaviour makes me feel diminished as a woman and rejected as a girlfriend. I am rendered weak and powerless and I deeply resent it. When I confront him about it, he just repeats that he has "done nothing wrong" and the conversation goes nowhere. While he continues to deny all indiscretions, despite what I observe, we can't change anything or move forward. I don't believe he acts out these fantasies, but his attitude is corroding our relationship.
My father was a serial flirt and unfaithful, so my partner's flirting reminds me of him and the fears I have about being in a similar relationship. My partner and I are otherwise very close, but I believe he is in denial about his behaviour and that such a serious recurrent flashpoint means our relationship is doomed.
How can we address this? Ask yourself why you chose him If social occasions continue to be flashpoints, you need to decide whether to stop going out together or to address the issue with the help of a counsellor or third party. My ex-wife was attracted to me because I embodied similar qualities of charisma and charm to her father, who had left her mother after many affairs.
Social occasions were fraught as I was always being watched for how I engaged with other people: I'm not a flirt but I enjoy other people's company.
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I had to deny phantom indiscretions, but these denials were worthless. She didn't particularly enjoy being in the company of our friends and eventually my social life became something I had without her, which exacerbated the divide between us. My ex-wife was reconciled with her father a few months before his death and since then our relationship has acquired a measure of trust, although too late to save our marriage. Ask yourself why you chose this man - the personality traits that annoy you so much now are probably what drew you to him in the first place.
Look at your relationship with your father and ask yourself if there is anything you and he can learn together before you make any major decisions about the relationship you are in with your partner - which should not be so beholden to your family history. MN, via email I have suffered a similar fate I have spent 30 years with a man I adore but he has always behaved flirtatiously with other women and claimed he was doing nothing wrong.
I also developed "coping strategies", which I now believe was a huge mistake. I became increasingly miserable and our relationship deteriorated. He got angry, ignored me and began to socialise on his own. I discovered recently that he had been having an affair for the past year with a woman he socialises with every week.
I can't cope with his endless flirting
He concedes this was an inevitable consequence of his flirtatious behaviour and lack of commitment to our marriage. I lost all my confidence and turned from someone who loved life into a miserable wretch, finally kicked into the ground by his affair with a "friend". Please don't make the same mistake. Name and address withheld Repeating childhood patterns As children, we often feel that family difficulties are "our fault".
This childhood illusion that there must have been something we could have done to make things better often persists into adulthood, as it seems to have in your case.
You say that you have to "find coping strategies" as if your only option is to find a way to control your perfectly legitimate responses to your partner's behaviour. You have selected a man who replicates your father's behaviour and you hope to change him in the same way that you hoped to change your father when you were a child.
However, once you find the kind of help that enables you to leave your childhood distress behind you, you will be able to make a loving connection with a partner who will treat you with respect and care. NB, Hull Engage him in a discussion You might have a more constructive conversation with your partner if you don't box him into a corner with accusations.
Try to open up a discussion with him about how his actions make you feel. Compare these two approaches: Can we talk about what actions and words you could use to reassure me that our relationship is solid?
JR, London I leave my husband to flirt I have been married to a serial flirt for nearly 30 years. I don't think he has ever been unfaithful to me, but over the years we have had many rows about his behaviour. I have been accused of being possessive and insecure, but my feeling is that he needs to flirt to cope with his own insecurities.
I realised that something would have to change if we were to stay together and carry on enjoying the positive aspects of the relationship. My tactic these days is to walk away from him when we are in a social situation and to engage the most interesting and good looking man in the room in conversation. It hasn't changed my husband, but I'm a great deal happier. Name and address withheld What the expert thinks Start by re-reading your arguments with fresh eyes - as if someone else had presented them to you.
You say your partner flirts with other women and refuses to curb this behaviour. You say this makes you feel diminished and rejected, and rendered weak and powerless. He told me flirting is harmless and he would not mind if I flirt as long as I do not have sex with these men. He has witnessed men rubbing my bare back and shoulders when I accompany him to a wedding dinner but he did not attempt to stop them nor was he offended.
Although I dressed sexily for such functions, I feel this does not warrant their caressing me. I notice my husband gets turned on whenever I tell him about men flirting with me or he witnessed them flirting with me.
My husband wants me to dress sexily. I love sexy clothes, too. I share intimate matters with a trusted male colleague, X, who is in his late 30s. X says he is not surprised that men love to flirt with me as I exude sex appeal. X tells me that sex is always on a man's mind. He says flirting is normal and acceptable for both sexes as men and women are very open about sex nowadays.My Wife's Friend's Flirting with me
X also says having affairs is common nowadays and he has occasionally invited me to watch pornography at his apartment. I have yet to go over to his place although I am curious to watch one. Prior to my marriage, I got to know a guy, Y, who took me to a lover's haunt on our third date. He became very amorous and when I rejected his advances, he respected my wishes.
After that incident, I stopped seeing Y although he tried very hard to date me again. Y managed to contact me recently, and I have so far turned him down politely. I am contemplating meeting up with Y although my female colleagues advised me against it.
I feel that Y is a nice man and would not harm me as he had respected my wishes in the past. I feel there is nothing wrong in meeting up with Y as I trust him. I enjoy the attention of men who flirt with me. In fact, I also flirt with them when no one is around. Now I dress sexily more often and I must admit that I look promiscuous in such outfits. Another thing that is bothering me is that I frequently fantasise about having sex with these men, including Y, whenever I am making out with my hubby.
I can't cope with his endless flirting | Life and style | The Guardian
I feel guilty about my fantasies. I am quite confused with what is going on. Flirting is fairly harmless. However, this comes with the proviso that the persons involved are willing and consent to what is happening. It is important for you to think about a few different things separately. You enjoy the attention from men. There is nothing wrong with that. It is very nice to feel wanted and desired. And, knowing the kind of effect you have on men, it also gives you a sense of power.
Your husband also seems to like knowing that you have the power to entice other men. It probably turns him on knowing that you are with him despite the fact that so many men want you, and you could possibly have any man you wanted, but you chose him.
This probably gives him a certain sense of pride.
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No one should be judged based on what they wear. All that matters is that you are comfortable in what you wear.
If you like to dress sexily, that is your prerogative. It is your body, and you can express your sexuality as you like as long as you dress appropriately.
What this means is that what you wear should be appropriate to your surroundings. One cannot go to work in a dress meant for cocktail parties, for instance. You enjoy the way you dress. You also like the attention you get when you dress like this. Your husband also seems to enjoy the way you dress. No one else has any say in this matter. You are an adult and can decide for yourself what you like and dislike. Yet, people are uncomfortable when a woman is confident about her body and sexuality.
That is why there are derogatory words that people use for women like these. As much as you and your husband think that flirting and dressing sexily is acceptable as long as it is within the boundaries, there are others who will view it differently. Also, the fact that there are double standards cannot be denied.
Married men who flirt with women are viewed very differently from married women who flirt with men. You must be aware of this fact. There may be people who speak ill of you and your behaviours.
Now, if this is completely all right with you, then it should not matter at all. However, if you think that this is not the kind of attention you want, there are a few things you have to do. After understanding all these different factors, you now have to evaluate how you really feel about men flirting with you or touching you "inappropriately", as you described. The keyword here is inappropriate. If you do not want to be touched that way, or even touched at all, it is your right to tell the other person to stop.
This kind of inappropriate touching is sexual harassment. Not speaking up against what you don't like is not being polite. It is a violation of yourself.