As an INTP male I just started a relationship with an INTJ female. Any advice? : intj
If you've ever been in love with an INTJ, or an INTJ has been in love with you, insight into romantic relationships between INTJs and INTPs. The INTP-INTJ Relationship – What does it take to work? To feel content in their relationships, they require very little fuss made of them and a of a person to decide if they stack up or have the potential to last the distance. More specifically, say two people in a relationship have completely opposite . I see it as a huge learning opportunity for both parties — like most relationships. I am discussing INTP vs INTJ from an MBTI perspective alone.
I am an INFP female age I married my ESTJ husband at age It was very much for me as you described. Meeting him felt very nice at that time in my life, when I had no real direction and was floundering around. I loved how he came in and swooped me up, making decisions for me and giving my life a direction.
I had become so used to denying myself and feeling there was something wrong with me. Always giving in on every issue and not really having a voice of my own. He is a very forceful and dominant personality and after 14 yrs of marriage, I have lost myself. It has been a light at the end of the tunnel to make these discoveries and begin relearning myself.
Simply dusting everything off and really looking at my own needs and desires after all this time is a huge step for me. I realize I have a lot of digging out to do to get out from under the rubble and debris that has kept me entombed in this marriage for so long.
It will be a long process to rebuild my life again. I truly wish this subject was more readily taught and discussed with young adults.INTP vs INTJ: How They Process Emotions Differently (INTx Insights)
Just having a vague understanding could help so many people with life choices. Careers, choosing a mate, raising children, communicating with spouses, extended family relationships are all things where personality differences come into play.
The more educated someone is about the personalities that surround them, the more likely they will be successful in life and able to build a solid foundation around them. Relationships become tinged with co-dependent behavior as the partners attempt to use one another to supply them with the inferior needs that they enviously wish they could provide for themselves. This is how a love-hate relationship develops.
If the psyche feels that the unconscious inferior function is gaining too much power, the dominant function will readily take extreme measures to wrestle back control, like when we overcorrect after our car accidentally veers into the wrong lane. When we pair with our typological opposite without sufficient understanding of type dynamics or awareness of the powers of our unconscious over us, we put ourselves at great risk for experiencing this extreme tension and love-hate volatility in our relationships.
Therefore, all of our unresolved issues with our tertiary and inferior functions become projected onto our partner and are acted out in our relationships — and usually in very destructive ways. Typically, the things that initially draw opposite persons to one another end up being the same traits that create conflict and resentment down the road. The unconscious psyche, not one to be fooled easily, realizes that our partner is not an authentic or sufficient substitute for our own psychological growth.
In fact, after this point of realization, the partner is actually perceived as a threat, as an obstacle to our further development. Your passiveness is an invitation for him to become more aggressive, and that aggressiveness invites your passiveness, and so on until something or someone hits the fan.
And while all this may sound very grim, please know that there is absolutely hope for reconciliation with one another and with yourselves as individuals if that should be your desire. Doing this, quite clearly, demands being educated about your own inner conflict between your dominant and inferior function and recognizing the destructive pattern that your unconscious is acting out in the relationship. If the partners can make themselves aware that it is their own inner inferior functions that they are at war with, and not one another, they can avoid making each other scapegoats and villains and possibly save the relationship.
A great therapist can be a very useful dare I say necessary? As you might guess, it is all to easy to slip back into unconscious habits and suddenly go to war with your partner anytime you are having a personal crisis with the inferior function which for most of us is an ongoing ordeal. In couples of opposite type, the temptation to do so is often just too great to make the risk worth the while.
Even the most self-aware, ego-less, and wise individuals would find it a challenging task. All of this serves to highlight the necessity, as you say, of bringing psychological self-awareness to the forefront of our educational pursuits.
I think you will find that you are not alone in wishing you had this information upfront. It feels tragic and unnecessary that so many people have to get burned before they realize that playing with fire is potentially harmful if one is not properly trained.
I truly hope that, as difficult as this phase in your life may be, you are finding a way to reach the pinnacle of human potential by forging a new resilience, deeper understanding, and reconciliation with your psyche out of this loss. In that vein, I leave you with the words of Goethe: Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
Struggles However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected. Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance. The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled. A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.
Thinking-Thinking Joys Both parties enjoy the straightforward and frank communication styles; no emotional issues is brought into discussion and decision making. As such, both find it easy to communicate with each other; they won't have to try to cushion their message or filter it; but can afford to be direct without being afraid of offending the other party.
INTJ, INFP, INTP, INFJ Relationships, Compatibility, & the Inferior Function
In decision-making, both parties use a logical, objective analysis to access pros and cons. This same mode of decision-making will mean that they are less likely to come into conflict. Struggles While both are logical with one another, sometimes some romance and affection can liven up the relationship; both parties may have issues showing it. Because both use a logical and objective process in decision-making, they may have a blind spot in considering their personal values.
INTJ, INFP, INTP, INFJ Relationships, Compatibility, & the Inferior Function
Under stress, they may have an issue controlling their own emotions; sometimes this can lead to highly intense fights that are destructive. Judging-Perceiving Joys Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger's opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers - something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate.
Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything - something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
Struggles However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness - Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly.